[personal profile] msbelle
Last post was 1-19, so clearly not doing great on posting every day or every other day or every few days.

as a reminder to myself, these were my goals to work on:

- Pay attention to what I am consuming (food by tracking water and calories for a start; media by limiting time on fb/tumblr/twitter and increasing movies/books; stuff by buying better things and fewer of them)
- Speak less, smile more
- Be present
- Have some new experiences
- Recognize what brings joy and spend energy toward that
- Look for what I want
- Hug more people more often

ok for the last 22 days:

- on calories, I have tracked most days, have met goal a little more than half of the days
- water - not making goal on most days
- media - tumbler has disappeared from my viewing; twitter has shifted to almost 100% read only, but I think it adds to the anxiousness; fb no change. Movies - got more Oscar movies checked off and I like movies that stay with me, so that's good. Reading has been slow, but I am reading.
- stuff - haven't bought anything other than consumables. semi-big expenditure fixing thing on house, needed and a big check off the long house checklist - so GOOD
- I think I am speaking less, noticable holding tongue with the child, also really trying to at work.
- Smiling more is not happening daily, but a couple of social outtings were smile filled.
- Being present - well therapist says I am extremely self-aware and good at re-focusing when a spiral starts, so i think I am getting better and staying right here right now. enjoying the moment is not yet happening.
- New Experiences - went to museum I have not been to, an area of Dallas and restaurant I had never been to, met a couple of new people.
- joy - well a struggle, as day to day just seems to take over and then days are gone. A few things I am doing that I think are working. Taking care of kitchen daily - food up, dishes (mostly) done - I have been able to keep the kitchen from getting out of control for a month or so and it does make me happier. Bring lunch (this far more than half the days) - spend less, eat better. Cook - I have actually made like a couple of recipe things, but even cooking up frozen TJ dishes, not just meals makes me feel better. Seeing the movies, especially out made me really happy. I hope therapy will start to help with this more.
- I do not know what I want short-term, so looking for it is hard. I look at real-estate in other places, but that is 4 years away at leaast and is also a bit of "everything will be better when I can just leave here" which of course is not true.
- sadly lacking in hugs.

I did get back on anxiety meds over a week ago. half the dosage I was on before. Not noticing a big difference, but things are lessened.

Old man diabetic cat died and that was sad and hard, but really his time. One less animal is quite a bit of a load lifted, expecially when he was the messy one and required twice daily shots, and the one who no one else could care for, and the one who had to be limited to 2 rooms in the house. He was also the one who loved on me most, so good with bad. Miss him, but also exhaled.

Lent is conveniently here, right when I am examining how these goals are going. Can I take these 40 days to re-focus on one or more of these items? I think so. In addition, therapist is giving me homework at sessions. This week

- take care of one thing in house (somethign taking up brain space bugging me)
- do something social

I put away the Christmas tree last night which was a house thing, but she said it should be more than that. So that is a half a house thing.

I think for Lent I would like to add one thing and remove one thing. Like stop one unliked habit and add in one I want. The bigger on-going goals stay and get worked on, but these will be a focus.

Tentatively I am thinking:

- Giving up buying Breakfast sandwiches out. This would be a double gain, because buying at the grocery store is cheaper and fewer calories.
- Adding in water. It is free and should be so easy, but I struggle! 50 oz a day minimum, I think I can do that.



August 2016


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